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Spirituality has become a kind of buzzword in today’s culture, especially for the millennial generation. Increasingly, North Americans identify as spiritual as opposed to religious.

What is behind the rising popularity of spirituality without religion? Some critics have suggested it is a byproduct of the self-obsessed culture of today, evidence of a narcissism epidemic. This criticism is similar to that launched at the millennial generation (born between 1980-2000) in general, what some scholars have called “Generation Me.”

‘Dating’ is a word that gets hugely complicated once you unpack it, and what the term means to any given person is largely an issue of semantics, much like what a person actually means when they say they’re “seeing someone” or “hanging out” or “having a thing.” Dating meaning: let’s get to the bottom of this.

Although I don’t disagree with these characterizations, I believe there is more to the story. Since 2015 I have conducted in-depth research with Canadian millennials, interviewing 33 Canadian millennials who self-identify as spiritual but not religious — in order to better understand their beliefs and practices.

I believe when people call themselves spiritual they are basically signaling three things: first, that they believe there is more to the world than meets the eye, that is to say, more than the mere material. Second, that they try to attend to their inner life — to their mental and emotional states — in the hopes of gaining a certain kind of self-knowledge. Third, that they value the following virtues: being compassionate, empathetic and open-hearted.

Questions about meaning and value in the world

What Does Spiritual Mean In Dating Site

The origins of the word “spirituality,” in the context of Christian theology, lie in the Latin noun spiritualitas, which derived from the Greek noun pneuma, meaning spirit. Interestingly, “spirit” in its original context was not the opposite of the “physical” or “material,” but of “flesh,” or everything that is not of God. Therefore a “spiritual person,” in its original Christian sense, was simply a person within whom the Spirit of God dwelt.

Despite this, among the millennials I’ve interviewed, “spirituality” is generally contrasted with “materiality.” It therefore gestures towards that which we require to live, but which we cannot perceive or measure.

Religion, many conventionally think, attends to the field of human experience that concerns our most fundamental questions — questions of meaning, purpose and value. But since the Enlightenment, many individuals in North Atlantic countries have developed a self-understanding of themselves as secular, or modern.

For many, religion does not seem like a viable option. It seems outdated, or at odds with a scientific understanding of the world (or, at least parts of it do). Yet, despite this shift, questions of meaning, purpose and value remain.

Moreover, for many of my study participants, science is incapable of adequately answering some of life’s most crucial questions: What is beauty? How should I relate to the natural world? To whom (or what) should I commit my life? Why be just? What is justice?

Although science can provide answers to these questions, the answers rarely inspire my participants as they would like them to. And for many, science’s answers simply don’t suffice to help them live their lives as they experience them.

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So when people speak of spirituality they are generally invoking some framework of meaning that enables them to make sense of that which, for them, science fails to address.

This is why atheists, agnostics and believers can all — and often do — identify as spiritual. One need not believe in God in order to have questions that scientific materialism cannot answer.

Western culture too focused on material success

The second aspect of spirituality involves a move inward, or an attention to one’s inner life, often as a means of honouring the immaterial dimensions of life. Most of my study participants think contemporary Western culture is far too outward focused, glorifying material success and procurement at the expense of the things that really matter.

They would agree with the famous cultural critic Erich Fromm, who in the 1970s argued modern societies emphasize having things as opposed to just being. Spirituality stresses the importance of attuning to our inner life — both as a way of resisting the constant pressure our culture exerts to value what lies outside of us, as well as a means of finding a place of refuge.

This is one reason why, for instance, environmentalists have often endorsed spirituality. One of the major causes of climate change and environmental destruction, these environmentalists argue, is the never-ending quest for economic growth, fuelled by a capitalist logic of acquisition and expansion.

The Dalai Lama once quipped, while the West was busy exploring outer space, the East was busy exploring inner space. Regardless of the veracity of this generalization, he was getting at something that many of my study participants feel: that contemporary societies in the western world are structured in such a way that silence and stillness are the exception, not the rule.

When millennials say they are seeking to become more spiritual, they are often saying that they are trying to resist this trend.

Looking inward to act more wisely

For many millennials looking inward is an ethical endeavour. Being spiritual to them implies seeking to better understand one’s inner life in order to act more wisely in the world. For many, becoming more contemplative or aware of their inner life allows them to interact with others in a way that is less reactive, less harmful and more authentic to who they think themselves to be.

Thus, there are certain virtues which have come to be associated with spirituality: compassion, empathy and open-heartedness. These virtues naturally flow out of the introspection inherent to spirituality because they ultimately require a high level of self-knowledge. That is, knowledge of why we hold the beliefs we do, knowledge of why we act in certain ways, and most importantly, knowledge of our interdependence.

This knowledge — acquired either through practices like meditation, self-reflection and (in some cases) psychotherapy — leads one to become more sensitive to the emotions of others, and even to one’s surrounding environments, both social and natural.

Thus the path inward, in its best form, is not rooted in narcissism but rather based in a robust ethicality — a willingness to face one’s demons in order to better understand the human condition.

For some, this path inward is ultimately about self-transformation, or transcending one’s early childhood programming and achieving a certain kind of self-mastery. For others, it entails attuning themselves to the immaterial dimensions of life.

Online Dictionary

The framework I’ve sketched above doesn’t exhaust the full range of meanings the term spirituality invokes. Nor am I suggesting that all individuals who fit the above description are necessarily spiritual. I only mean to propose that these three characteristics cover a lot of what millennials mean when they call themselves spiritual.

What I’ve outlined should not lead readers to think that all millennials who call themselves spiritual live these ethical ideals. Our ability to realize our ethical ideals depends not only our own willingness, but also the social and economic constraints that we live within.

Thus my current research seeks to better understand lived spirituality, or, how spirituality operates in people’s everyday lives. Ultimately, more research needs to be done to better understand this emerging trend.

As the number of people who identify as “spiritual” continues to climb, it is likely that spirituality will come to shape North American societies in important and enduring ways.

I am a feminist and mystic and do not seek peace in my life through others. I am a yoga, gospel music, and prayer junkie. I hated to admit that I wanted to love again. I was whole. But I was curious. I wanted my heart to feel free again and not stalled after a bad break up. So after a two-year sabbatical from romance, I, like everyone, began dating online.

Online dating gives us endless invitations to lose our minds. It is stepping into what we do not control -- other people's thoughts of us, our hopes and expectations, and our vulnerability.

But there are ways to navigate this. If you approach dating through a spiritual lens, you will never be defined by what another person thinks of you because you are already defined as Love, because you are a part and an expression of the divine. So before you even begin dating again, your worth is never determined by someone else.

These are the practices I developed. I had to. I met a man I enjoyed sleeping with but he always avoided the question about dating exclusively, as though trained by a presidential candidate's press team. I overstayed my welcome and experienced great passion in other relationships that had no lasting foundation. I daydreamed about marrying another man I had only gone on 4 dates with and then he vanished. I needed an inner strategy.

Dating online can easily seem artificial and fake. Here's what guided me in my 30 months of online dating.

1. Before you go on a date, meditate. Visualize the person you will be meeting bathed in divine light. Imagine them at their best. Visualize you both having a great time, regardless if you will be a match or not. Imagine the other person feeling completely heard and seen. Because that's what we all want at our core.

2. First dates are just first dates. Nothing more. If you are nervous before you meet them, you are human. They are nervous too. Before the meeting, keep the emails and texts to a minimum. So there is a sense of mystery and discovery when you meet. When you first meet, don't expect there will be blinding chemistry or thoughts about the potential for marriage. It's just an hour and a half. Don't linger.

3. Passion is available with a lot of people. Spiritual connection is more selective. When it comes to physical intimacy, consider slowing it down. The first dates that end in passionate kissing or back at his apartment usually never go anywhere. Build a foundation, trust, and then verbal intimacy with the other person and give it space before sex. When I waited to date five or six, rather than 'date three,' there was more time for us to see red flags in our relationship before we slept together. Shared values or shared sacred silence are good signs that you will have something to invest in. Whoever we sleep with, we become connected to on some level. And if we sleep with many, many people, it drains our energy and our focus.

What Does Spirituality Mean

And these words from a mentor haunted me, 'You can tell if someone has slept with many people or drank a lot. It literally shows on a person's face. It ages them.'

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4. Consider dating one person at a time. Time is your most valuable resource. So there is no need to give the hours you would devote to a part-time job to full-time dating. Even if it means you don't date for months. Your balance, strength, and serenity are your highest priorities.

5. Trust your intuition constantly. Dating always requires you to channel your inner Maya Angelou: 'When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.' When you receive compliments about your outward appearance before even meeting a person, be skeptical. It's often a sign that they are needy or have low self-confidence. Lasting attraction is rooted in experiencing the energy of a person when you are with them. If they are putting you on a pedestal or putting you down, move on.

6. Our thoughts fly in tornado-like formations. But those thoughts do not serve what is real: the present moment. Our minds replay the past with a nostalgic ache or imagine the romantic comedy movie trailer we hope our life will become. The more you notice the unhelpful dialogues in your head, the less power these thoughts have and the easier it becomes to shift what you are thinking.

7. Your words have power. In your own profile, be specific about who you are and what you want. I imagine you are a spiritual person, if you have read to number 7. So list that you meditate, stare at the ocean, and read Toni Morrison or Terry Tempest Williams. That will weed out the people who don't know what to do with that. And draw you closer to those who connect with it.

8. Talk to God, or whatever you name her, daily. You are invited to have conversations with the divine source each day as a way to center yourself. First surrender what makes your heart heavy (i.e. the disagreement with a co-worker or the uncertainty you feel about a loved one's health). So it doesn't show up on your first dates and you are more present to the moment.

9. Your beauty is shaped by your energy, your thoughts and your rest.
I am the most myself on dates when I have not worked a 60-hour work week. I am the most centered when I've done yoga and prayed on the day of the date. I am allowing Light to move through my body, I am more open, and I am a better listener.

10. Dating someone, whether it's a first date or you've been with a person for years, requires you let go of expectations. Whenever I think a date will be perfect, I soon remember my sense of humor. Because when I have built up an experience in my mind, the person may cancel or be nothing like what I thought.

11. You don't owe a person you've never met, or someone you've only been on a few dates with, the same time and respect that you give your old friends or old lovers. Before or after the date, you can end it at any time. If you choose not to meet again or only meet once or twice, it doesn't need explanation. Silence is sometimes a clear gift to another person.

12. Call a mentor or friend. There will be times when someone disappoints you or disappears. You want to ask, 'What did I do wrong?' But these signs are gifts and have nothing to do with who you are or your own behavior. So call someone who will not judge you and laugh about it. Don't reach out to the other person if you have already contacted them once or twice. Dating is not about persistence. It's about letting go. Again and again. People are drawn to confidence, not neediness.

Be gentle with yourself when there are no answers. Some experiences are mysteries. A few dates cannot divulge the history that someone brings to the relationship. Every time we meet each other we are influenced by our previous relationships and our cultural perspectives.

Remember that our life will not magically work when another person commits to us. Our life begins to work as we do the unglamorous work of surrendering more to Spirit, or a divine source. As we nourish and heal ourselves, we become more present to who we are meeting and who we are becoming in the process.

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